So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
