You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
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We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
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The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
MIDGETS
????
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
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