You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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