The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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