Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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