I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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