Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
