Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
