Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
