Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
look no pants
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
