Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
