I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
