JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
