no, he came in my armpit
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize