well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
