For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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