dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
