You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
