I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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