He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize