Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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