I don't usually arrange sex via text message
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
