Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
