I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye