At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
what day is it and did you see me today?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.