I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
