nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
