just tell him i said nine months
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
