Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
