Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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