I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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