the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He kissed a someone with a penis
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
