True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
