it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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