i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
