i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
