yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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