Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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