i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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