Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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