there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
