Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
