dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize