Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
