just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
