1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
