Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
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