He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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