I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
