um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
