The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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