Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize