You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
