if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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