My room smells like vodka and shame
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
