I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize