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• (301): View more from Maryland

  you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.

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• (646): View more from New York

  Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  No, drunk sperm still make babies.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...

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  25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.

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• (916): View more from California

  Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.

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• (210): View more from Texas

  Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?

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  These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  It's ok, February is a short month

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• (407): View more from Florida

  You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?

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