its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover