my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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