i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
