i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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