I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
