peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
